School is cool, but Schule is cooler
1.
School – Some kids sneak out now and then during the day for a crafty fag.
Grown-up school – Some people go out now and then during the day for a crafty fag. No sneaking is required. Also, it’s less ‘now and then’ and more ‘every damn hour’. Also, the teacher tends to join them.
2.
School – The kids get into tight social cliques who spend all their time together and bitch about other people in the breaks.
Grown-up school – The people get into tight social cliques who spend all their time together and bitch about other people in the breaks. But they also quite enjoy drinking coffee while they do it.
3.
School – The naughty ones sit at the back and piss about, gradually eroding the teacher’s nerve and will to live.
Grown-up school – The naughty ones sit at the back and piss about, gradually eroding the teacher’s nerve and will to live. At the end of the module they write a strongly-worded complaint about the teacher being incompetent.
4.
School – When you don’t understand the topic, you sit staring miserably at the textbook, inwardly telling yourself you are crap until you go home feeling like crap, and then spend the evening listening to Green Day.
Grown-up school – When you don’t understand the topic, you mash the keyboard, loudly declaring that Javascript itself is crap, and then you go home and write a strongly-worded complaint to whoever is in charge of the internet.
5.
School – When your teacher catches you looking at stupid internet memes on your computer during the lesson, they wearily tell you off and demand that you pay attention.
Grown-up school – When your teacher catches you looking at stupid internet memes on your computer during the lesson, they prevent you from hastily minimising the window and then sit with you chuckling at the funny pictures until they realise that they ought to be getting on with things. Often the teacher starts it by showing their own favourite stupid internet memes on the wall with the projector.
6.
School – The kids all complain about the foul grey slop churned out daily by the canteen.
Grown-up school – The people all complain about the foul grey slop churned out daily by the coffee machine.
7.
School – Homework is an inevitable low point at the end of the day which marks the dreary hurdle standing in the way between you and the TV.
Grown-up school – There is no homework, so instead you go home and try to cram in as much freelancing as possible before the end of the day so that you might be able to afford your Krankenkasse bills.
8.
School – If you’re really little, you come home really excited at the end of the day and show your mum all the cool things you did, like a picture of you playing computer games and a really cool story you wrote.
Grown-up school – If you’re really little (say, 5 foot 2), you come home really excited at the end of the day and show your mum (via email) all the cool things you did, like a computer game you programmed and a really cool website you wrote the code for.
In other news: What have I been doing all this time on GMB, you ask? Why, I’ve been writing the Guten Morgen Grammar Glossarama, a big friendly guide to all the technical grammar terminology you might come across in lessons both on this site and all over the interwebs. Every term has an explanation in true GMB style with useful tables and tips to boot. If you’ve ever wondered what the heck a ‘pronoun’ actually bloody well is, this is the place for you!
