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It’s sucking you in…you can’t resist…the vortex has you… Ok, so here’s the story. We book a family holiday abroad; the final holiday we’ll probably ever do together, since I am now technically an adult and my brother is now technically too cool. Then my father buys a new mobile phone, a process which apparently nowadays requires you to show your passport, because fraudulently buying a mobile phone is akin to the bootleg alcohol trade in the times of prohibition. He then ostensibly throws the passport into the wind or drops it into an eddying river or ties it to...

The new Batman series is dark. Really, really dark. Dark like a black hole. And, like a black hole, it sucks. I know what you’re thinking, but I’m still not going to write about the graduate job search. No, no, I know, but I refuse. Not yet, at least – there seems little point in reiterating what we all know from frantic Guardian articles and fretful comments from grandmothers. Instead I am going to write about The Dark Knight Rises, because someone needs to be the brave dark warrior and be honest about how genuinely disappointing this series is.  The...

Don’t worry dude, maybe people will believe you’re a peacock once you’ve been coloured in… Wow, another unexpected long absence. By now you must be wondering whether this blog is swiftly plummeting down into the chasm filled with abandoned blogger accounts, wordpress blogs and…*shudder*…livejournal entries. NO! I am not going to let this ship go down without a fight! Or something. At any rate, the real reason for my slightly prolonged delay has simply been that I am determinedly and without compromise being on holiday at the moment. Or rather, being on holiday is consuming me, as finishing the year...

Stay tuned…

Neutral image as nothing visual is happening now. Internet, I’m sorry. I tried to keep this thing going for a while, but everything got a bit wild for a while and I just lost sight of what was really important in life. Namely, writing inane and verbose blog entries three times a week. I have missed it, and Guten Morgen Berlin I have missed you too. Yes, I’m not in Berlin anymore, but you were my first blog and my One True Blog. So I’m coming back to you. I’m going to be in a committed writelationship with you from...

‘Japanese sector’ is of course a metaphor for a new blog. The mountain is a metaphor for other mountains. This blog has had a rather tragic dénouement. Like all other blogs, it suddenly and disappointingly faded into silence the minute I left Berlin and realised that from the year of chaos I had waded through I was completely, utterly, head-over-heels knackered. I spent the last three months in duvets. Yes, it’s no longer Guten Morgen Berlin but Auf Wiedersehen Berlin. Wiedersehen is a given at any rate, as every day the thought of wandering down Simon-Dach-Strasse or crunching on a...

The next few posts here come to you from my travels through Dresden and Leipzig. I am finally taking the chance to adventure around Berlin’s neighbours before the end of my time here. Or at least, I will do the minute this seemingly endless train journey is over. Holiday time has started, and thus everyone is travelling somewhere; evidently however we have all chosen the same train. In Berlin Hauptbahnhof I marched past endless empty platforms with a few relaxed-looking people casually boarding before my platform finally came to view. It was as if this particular train was the only...

Goodbye, terrifying sleepy-Ernie, guardian of the minuscule boxes… (goodbye, oddly flirtatious bed-duck) Tomorrow marks the beginning of my last two days of work as an English teacher before the whole nine and a half months of my time here becomes just another line on the CV. Two days and I become nothing more than a tourist again, five measly lessons before I can begin to wean myself off caffeine and stop spending every day talking in an energetic high-pitched squeak (in order to maintain a good energy level in my voice when teaching I simply channel Nickelodeon through my throat...

It’s the Pfingsten weekend, meaning that everyone has Monday off for the pentecost, when the Holy Ghost came down to earth to sort things out. I’m off to Mecklenburg-Vorpommern for the weekend to collect some anecdotes and look embarrassing in a swimming costume. Expect exciting posts when I return! Happy Pfingsten!

I am what you might call an unlucky person. Not in that I feel persecuted by karma or have suffered endless tragedy, but simply because my days are filled with minuscule misfortunes and clumsy accidents, some of which I admittedly cause and some of which just seem to come to me as if attracted by a magnet. My life reads like an indescribably dull version of those Lemony Snicket books minus the orphans and genuine villains (although with an equally whimsical and contrived narrative). The misfortunes that do occur at least have the decency to be farcically bizarre, and naturally...